This Valentine’s Day, give your partner the gift of communication. We are always thinking of ways to show our partner that we care, but how often does that involve self-reflection and growth? Communication is not just the words that we use, but rather, the tone of our voice, our body language, the way we react to our partner, and a long list of other subtle gestures. Show that special someone how much you care by taking the time to focus on these eight easy traits of positive communication.
1. Show your partner that you’re listening
It’s not always clear if someone is listening to what you’re saying. Take a moment to make direct eye contact, nod your head in response to their statements, and be sure they know that you are fully invested in them and what they have to say.
2. Let your partner finish their thought
It can be easy to interrupt your partner when you have something relevant to say, but fight the urge to cut them off and allow them to finish their thought. This will show them that you are interested in their thoughts and feelings.
3. Don’t get distracted, or walk away
Your phone beeps in your pocket, the dog barks, you remember a snack in the fridge, a million things could happen while your partner is talking. But stay put and let your partner know that they are the only thing you see in that moment, even if you feel distracted in the background. Make your partner your priority.
4. Acknowledge what your partner says, even if you don’t agree with it
It’s not always easy to put your own thoughts and opinions aside, but allow your partner to speak their mind, and accept them for how they feel in the moment. It will mean a lot in the long run.
5. Seek first to understand, then repeat back what you think you heard
Sometimes we misunderstand our partner, and don’t take the time to fix the mistake. Go slow, repeat back what you heard, and make sure you understand your partners intentions and feelings before responding. Misunderstanding can easily lead to arguments, and slow and mindful processing of your partner can avoid these types of conflicts.
6. Don’t “kitchen sink” it
In other words, when you are talking about something difficult, don’t throw all of your problems in at the same time. Focus on one topic at a time, and be sure that you have thoroughly discussed that topic before moving on to another problem that could cause conflict.
7. Don’t keep score
When we keep track of all the times our partner didn’t do something or did it wrong, everyone loses. Allow for your partner to apologize, set a clean slate, and move forward from mistakes or forgetfulness. Give forgiveness to these small mistakes in the same way that we all need forgiveness for our own.
8. Set aside a specific time to talk through hard things
Being able to trust that you and your partner can work through difficult subjects is a fundamental part of having a good relationship, but all too often we are busy and life gets in the way. Even if you don’t want to, it’s important to take the time to have the tough conversations that will make your relationship better.
Being a better communicator will make you a better partner, and being a better partner will make for a healthier, happier home for you and your family. Family Service Agency offers a free ten-week program that provides healthy relationship tools to couples in a committed relationship, or individuals looking for ways to improve their relationships. Our Connected Couples, Connected Families program will teach you how to improve your communication, create healthy relationships. Our workshops provide critical, concrete skills to help you develop more enriching interactions with the people you care most about.
