By Marianne McCarthy

I won’t be able to celebrate the holidays with my mother. She lives too far away, and she is not able to travel anymore. Fortunately, she will spend this holiday with my sisters who live close by and provide most of the care she needs.

Despite the distance, I try to help out however I can. I visited mom in early December to give my sister’s a needed break and a chance to make preparations for their own families. I used our time together to help mom decorate her small apartment and take her on some festive outings. This is a new tradition for us, but not the only adjustment we have had to make on this journey.

Over the years, our family has learned a few things about working together to make the holidays special and as stress-free as possible. Here are a few tips:

• Simplify. Simplify. Make things as easy for yourself and your loved one as possible. If that means organizing a potluck, ordering from a restaurant, foregoing family gifts or elaborate decorations, it helps to be flexible and let go of major expectations.
• Make New Traditions. Try not to focus on what you and your loved ones aren’t able to do this year. If your care recipient has trouble getting around, drive through a holiday light display or watch a holiday concert on TV. If you can’t make it to a holiday gathering, have a video chat. Many family caregivers adjust the location and timing of celebrations to accommodate loved ones in their care. Be creative!
• Take Time for Self-Care. If you are providing care for a loved one you deserve a little happiness and joy during the holidays as well. Have a friend or paid caregiver come in for an afternoon while you go out and do something nice for yourself. Have a massage, take a long walk or have coffee with a friend. And remember to give yourself some positive affirmations of how hard you work out of love and you deserve a little respite.
• Work Together. Whether you provide care from near or far, there are ways you can work together to support your loved one who needs care. If you are the main caregiver, share your wish list of ways family members and friends can pitch in. If you are like me, caring from afar, ask what you can do to help through the holiday season and the months ahead.
• Keep Communication Positive. Use the time with family and friends to talk about what’s going on with your loved one. Ask how you can help, or let others know how they can help you. Anticipate hot-button issues, and steer clear! Try to stay focused on moving forward, instead of reiterating past mistakes or resentments.

I am fortunate to have siblings who are committed to supporting our mother and want what’s best for her. And even though I’m not able to help on a daily basis, I feel part of the caregiving team.

I wish everyone peace and happiness through their own caregiving journey. Please use the comment section to share your own advice and experience in managing the holidays.